Some are born with the gift of measuring out their lives with coffee spoons; others must develop—or reconnect with—the ability to appreciate and find inspiration in the (un)predictability of middle-class domesticity. In 1981, when I tore out of the Midwest as a teenager like a bat out of hell, bound for the east coast and god-knows-what, I somehow got it into my head—as so many artists (it doesn’t matter what sort—nascent, deluded, or manqué) do, that I should renounce many of the more traditional values taught me by parents and teachers during my privileged, Lutheran, middle-class suburban childhood. My memoir, Duet with the Past, is a written account of the thirty-five-years it took me to reconnect with my childhood values. 

In an ironic twist for one named after a brother who died in infancy of heart disease, I was diagnosed in January with a congenital heart condition. Around the same time, I learned that my memoir—on which I had been working for about twelve years—had been accepted for publication.

There are lots of different kinds of writing. Most don’t require any bravery—criticism least of all. Publishing a memoir is scary; it is one of the kinds of writing that requires courage. I found mine. My book wasn’t confessional—there were no surprises in it for people who knew me—but it was intended to be a work of art that would, in Cesar A. Cruz’s words, “comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.” I spent the first three months of 2019 finalizing the manuscript, and then correcting proofs, making an index, gathering permissions, choosing photos, and so forth. Sending off the final galleys to the publisher, I thought of the story of the annoyed senior composer who, having just played a recording of her work for an impertinent student in a masterclass, responded to his glib vitriol with a mild, “Next time, you write it.”

Duet with the Past was published in April, around the same time that Swan Song, a frankly autobiographical septet for shakuhachi, shamisen, koto, and string quartet was premiered at the Tenri Cultural Institute in New York City. Thanks to the staunch support of Kyo-Shin-An Arts I had written a koto concerto, and developed a close relationship with Duo Yumeno which yielded The Heike Quarto, a four-part, sixty-minute long suite over the course of five years based on the great Japanese tale of Heike for koto and cello—panels of which they performed across the US, in Japan, and, that month, at Carnegie Recital Hall. 

During May I composed a seventh piano trio—this one celebrating three inspiring colleagues and friends—Sharan Gale Levanthal, Sarah Kapps, and Peter Marshall—and the Wintergreen Music Festival, where we have all been privileged to serve as guest artists for a number of years. The trio premiered it in July. A beautiful new release on Albany by duo au courant (Stephanie Weiss and Christine Wright-Ivanova) called Sacred and Profane featured world premiere recordings of three song cycles: jaik’s songs, A Handful of Days, and Vegetable Verselets.

In June I joyously gave my first reading as an author at Oblong Books in Rhinebeck—the small village in Upstate New York in which I live. (I’ve since given readings in Virginia, Philadelphia, and Chicago, with more scheduled.) I was touched to learn that my childhood classmate Roberto Diaz (now director of the Curtis Institute) was touring in Central America a trio called Book of Days that had been commissioned by our alma mater. I began revising and reorchestraing my early opera Shining Brow for a new production by Arizona Opera, but stopped halfway through in order to compose The Passion of Jekyll and Hyde, an 84-minute long “opera without voices” for chamber orchestra to be premiered live with the great 1920 public domain John Barrymore film at the Wintergreen Festival in July, suavely conducted by Erin Freeman. H. Paul Moon’s elegant documentary of the event was released in August to acclaim.

I returned for a few weeks to Yaddo in Saratoga Springs during August to compose a 60 minute song cycle for six solo voices and piano four hands co-commissioned by Lyric Fest in Philadelphia and the Brooklyn Art Song Society called The Art of Song. Upon returning home, I revised and reorchestrated the second act of Shining Brow for Arizona Opera.

A few weeks later, in September, Chas Rader-Shieber’s intelligent, insightful, and bracing new directorial take on Shining Brow went up in Phoenix. I orchestrated the Blake Songs for tenor and orchestra for November premiere by Robert Frankenberry, Roger Zahab, and the University of Pittsburgh Symphony during downtime at the hotel, and was astonished and moved by an unannounced check-in one night at the theater by my co-author—whom I had not seen in years—Paul Muldoon. Holding hands with him, and with the brilliant young emerging conductor Lidiya Yankovskaya, who had just deftly navigated the score, during the company bow closed a loop for me, as did the world premiere, at the Church of the Holy Trinity in Philadelphia on 4 November, of The Art of Song. The concert was followed by a lavish 58th birthday party—with Prosecco and cake(!)—at the Academy of Vocal Arts which brought together many friends old and new and for which I remain intensely grateful.

Through it all, I sketched the outlines of the new operas 9/10 and The Deputy, and continued editing film for the movie version of Orson Rehearsed—marking the passing of one of its stars, my very dear friend Robert Orth, for whom it was written. I gave a lot of private lessons, and I enjoyed taking the sleeper train to Chicago to fulfill my duties as an artist faculty member of the Chicago College of the Performing Arts. 

All these activities were my coffee spoons. The real action took place every morning over breakfast with my sons, at the end of the day talking shop and family with my partner Gilda; the real action consisted of trips to the doctor, births, soccer games, birthdays, funerals and farewells.

And, in crafting this short essay, I began writing a sequel today to Duet with the Past called Duet with the Future.